ウィングローブ英語塾　高校生　優秀英文エッセイ第４弾をお送りいたします。

武蔵小杉校　高３・Aさんの英文です。

ある大学の入試問題の作文ですので、文面中にわかりにくい箇所があるかもしれませんが、ご了承下さい。

このエッセイも、ロジャー先生の添削が入ったのは、綴りのミス１か所と、冠詞２か所、それと１単語のみという、仕上がりでした。

大学受験にもこの力は大きく貢献することでしょう。

（以下、１単語のみロジャー先生の添削通り直しました。

あとは添削していない元のまま掲載しております）

【TOPIC】　In my opinion, the Japanese government should legalize same-sex marriage.

I agree with Roy G. Bin (2015, paragraph 2), who said, “same-sex marriage is a civil right.” Civil rights are very important for Japanese people because the Constitution of Japan protects these rights. Also Japanese people and Japanese government are required to comply with it.　Therefore, couples of the same sex should have the right to marry.

On the other hand, in Noah Rainbos’s 2014 article, the author said, “the vast majority of governments around the world do not allow couples of the same sex to marry.” Of course, some people may agree with this opinion. And this opinion has been well known for a long time.　However, what it means is that these governments are depriving same-sex couples of rights which are protected by the Constitution of Japan.

For the reason mentioned above, I feel that the Japanese government should legalize same-sex marriage.

ウィングローブ英語塾　高校生優秀英文エッセイご紹介の第三弾となります。

今回は、横浜井土ヶ谷校　Yさん（高２）の作文をご紹介いたします。

添削担当のロジャー先生に提出された英文ですが、まず「文法的な誤り」がなかった、というのがスーパーでした！

ロジャー先生は、文法的・綴りなどの誤りは赤で、このほうがよりよいよという表現は緑色で直してくださるのですが、「赤」部分が一か所もなかったのです。すばらしいですね。

（添削前の英文を掲載しております）

Topic：Water Sanitation

More than half of the global population doesn’t have access to safe sanitation. Worldwide, 2.2 billion people still lack access to safe drinking water. Many people suffer from various diseases caused by drinking contaminated water.

First, we should consider how we use water. For example, you need to save water when you cook, wash dishes, or take a shower. It’s not good to leave the water running. It’s also important to reduce domestic drainage. We have to avoid using too much shampoo or detergent.

Donation can also help people get clean water and recover from illness. If you donate 3000 yen to UNICEF, it will turn into 7025 tablets that make dirty water safe to drink. If you donate 5000 yen, it will turn into 748 bags of oral rehydration salts that protect children from dehydration.

By doing these, we could help people who are suffering from water problems. We should think what we can do.

ウィングローブ英語塾　高校生優秀英文エッセイご紹介　第二弾です。

阿佐ヶ谷校　Tさん（高３）の作文をご紹介いたします。

国立大学の試験問題の作文ですが、Second, 以下の英語、うまいなと思いました。

（なお、添削前の英文を掲載しております）

I view social media as a harmful thing. First, it can make you feel worse on a bad day. People only post their happy hours on it. Watching these posts, people could compare their life with others and envy them. Second, it can make you unsafe. The picture you posted can be examined by your followers and your private information might be known to others in unexpected ways. Social media can do harm with your mental health and safety.

ウィングローブ生は、日々語彙力アップの努力をしています。

毎週の課題はけっこう大変ですが。

そして

毎週の授業では文構造を把握、高いレベルの英文を分析・理解できるようにし、

自分のものにすると、reproduceできるレベルに達します。

ウィングローブではネイティブのロジャー先生が、生徒の英文添削をしてくれるというサービスを行っていますが、

そのうち特にすばらしかった作文をご紹介いたします。

勝どき校　高３生　M.Tさんのエッセイです。

添削をしたRoger先生から「外国に住んだ経験があるのでは？」と称賛されたほどです。

（添削前の英文を掲載しています）

“An education changes your mirrors into windows”

Imagine a man, who hasn’t been being educated since he is a child. Of course, he doesn’t know about academic subjects like math, history and science. What he has experienced just composes of him, so he is apt to think subjectively.

Children cannot go to many places, let alone talk with foreigners. They must see just the world which they can see. Listening to adults’ story, reading books and imitating others’ behavior make them intelligent gradually. They change foolish and subjective way of thinking of children into tolerant and objective one.

Education extends children’s world, lets children have interest in some academic subjects. Children cannot study these subjects by themselves, but can study them in school or home-schooling. Interest to specialized field influences on what they study in college or what they will do in the future.

In short, education is indispensable to forming children’s character.

ウィングローブのロジャー先生の添削は、

提出された生徒たちの英作文に対し、間違った箇所の添削と、この方がよりよい表現だよ、という２種の添削がされます。

自分では思いつかないすばらしい表現をアドバイスしてくれ、しかも元の英文を生かしながらなので、それを受け取ってよく読んで自分のものにしていくことを繰り返しますとライティングの力がメキメキと上がってきます。

横浜校　H.A.さんの英文を紹介します。

Aさんは積極的で、１１月にはエッセイを３件も提出していました。

Some people think that companies should promote workers on seniority, however I think that they should improve employees on performance. I have two reasons for this.

First, companies need to assess fairly regardless of age. It is true that hiring experienced people is important, but I believe that not every experienced person has great ability. In other words, young people can work well without enough experience.

Second, companies had better to attract motivation to work. If companies introduce the wage system based on seniority, young workers tend to discourage. Also, they are unwilling to improve or put more effort into their tasks. I think that it is a bad circulation.

For these reasons, I suggest that companies should promote workers on performance.

井土ヶ谷校・高１のR.Y.さんの英文をご紹介させていただきます。

内容が楽しめる、よくまとまっている英文ですね。

TOPIC:　Diet and Health

To urge people to stop eating fast food is the best way to encourage people to have a healthy diet but it’s so difficult. People all over the world like fast food because it’s cheap and delicious. To tell the truth, I like to eat it, too. We can’t give up eating them.

I’ve heard an interesting story. One fast food restaurant started to provide the new type of hamburgers. For example, the hamburgers with lettuce instead of buns. There are also hamburgers with “soy meat.” They are healthier than those of regular type. I want to recommend them to everyone. You can enjoy fast food and be healthier.

Recently, many people have a lot of work so they have no time to eat well-balanced diet. I think depending on fast food or processed food is not always bad, but we have to change our life little by little to keep our health.

高３生のHさん（法政二高）（武蔵小杉校所属）

ウィングローブのネイティブ英文添削サービスWincomに数回申込みをして、300語、400語という長文も提出しています。

添削担当のロジャー先生にも「大学生以上！」と褒められた英文です。

（以下は、添削前の英文です）

Topic: Are there any advantages to holding Tokyo Olympic Games under the COVID 19　Pandemic?

Although some people say that Tokyo Olympic Games brought some problems, I believe its benefits overwhelm those problems. There are three reasons to support my opinion.

First, the Olympic Games encouraged foreign people to be interested in Japan. These days, the number of visitors to Japan has been decreasing under the pandemic. However, the Olympics gave us opportunity to promote Japan toward foreign people. For example, through media coverages such as TV, they could see the scenery of

Tokyo as well as the Olympic Games. Moreover, some foreign athletes were impressed with Japanese products and food sold at convenience stores, and they posted the picture of those on the social media. This also allowed people in other countries to know about Japan.

Second, the Olympics allows LGBTQ+ athletes to promote themselves toward the world. In fact, the number of LGBTQ athletes participating in the Tokyo Olympic Games was the largest than those of any other Olympic Games that have ever been held. Then, people all over the world were impressed with those athletes. For example, Thomas Robert Daley said that he was proud of himself as a gay man and the campion of the Olympic Games. Thus, this Olympic Games contributed to enlightening the people around the world on the gender diversity.

Third, Japanese people could also enjoy the Olympic Games as well as foreign people. Under the pandemic, people are forced to stay at home, and there are some people feeling lonely or suffering from depression. Nevertheless, it is also true that such people were encouraged by the Olympic athletes. For instance, teenager skateboarder, Momiji Yamamoto got the first prize, which surprised many people. Therefore, the Olympic Games had a positive effect on Japanese people too.

For these reasons I have stated above, I believe that there are advantages to holding the Olympic Games even under the pandemic. Furthermore, the world should fight against the pandemic by taking advantage of solidarity improved by the Olympic Games.

ウィングローブ英語塾高校生の、素晴らしい英作文紹介シリーズ第三弾となりました！

今回は、大学入試問題の作文問題について書かれたものです。

以下の英文は

仲田萌恵さん（高３）神大付属高校　（川崎市・南加瀬校）の英文です。

素晴らしい出来です！

（添削前の文章を載せています）

【問題】

Create an original news story for the headline.

1.Strange new insect species discovered in Amazon rainforest.

【英作文】

It is surprising for the world to find strange new insects in the Amazon rainforest. They have red eyes, which enable them to see something small that cannot be seen by other insects.

When we discovered them for the first time, we were afraid of them because they are twice as big as we are. But however frequently we disturbed them, they were silent and didn’t care us. We decided to capture one of them because we want to have them examined later.

After all, we lost sight of them without realizing it, but we were lucky to take photos of them when we found them. We know little about their look, and only these pictures prove their existence.

If you go to the Amazon rainforest, you may be able to see them.

ウィングローブ英語塾の高校生は、すばらしい英文を書いています。

第二弾、ご紹介します。

ウィングローブ英語塾では、専門のネイティブスタッフ・ロジャー先生に添削をお願いしておりますが、

今回は高３生の英文をご紹介します。

以下は、ロジャー先生添削前の英文です。

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

M.T.さん　高３ （武蔵小杉校　所属）

TOPIC：　In your opinion, are fully self-driving cars safe? Why or why not?

I think that fully self-driving cars are safer than cars driven by humans are. I have two reasons to support my opinion.

The first reason is that self-driving cars can follow all laws. People don’t always follow them. For example, there are people who drink and drive or who drive while using their smartphones. With self-driving cars, the number of the accidents which are happened by people who break the law will be smaller, though their actions are not permitted.

The second reason is that self-driving cars can see farther and gain more information. Human vision is limited, but the technology can make visions of them wider. The self-driving cars can also see front and back at the same time. By driving while paying attention to all directions, the number of accidents caused by carelessness will be smaller.

For these reasons, I think that self-driving cars are safer compared with cars driven by people.

ウィングローブ英語塾の高校生の英作文を紹介します！

ウィングローブには英作文添削サービスがありますが

添削してくれるのは、長く日本人大学生の英文添削をしてきたネイティブ・スタッフのロジャー先生。

複数回添削を受けると生徒はドンドン洗練された英文を書くようになってきます。

ロジャー先生がすばらしいライティングをした生徒を推薦してくれました。

ゾクゾクご紹介いたします。

（ちなみに、以下英文は、添削前の英文です）

H.O．さん（高1）開成高校　　《ウィングローブ英語塾　大船富士見校》

➢ Do you think that humans will live on other planets in the future?

I don’t think humans will live on other planets in the future. First, it is so expensive for people to move to other planets. Currently, only a few rich people are able to go to space. Even if the technology develops and the cost becomes cheaper than now, it is difficult for all people to move to other planets.
Second, the environment on Earth is much easier to live in than the environment on other planets. Only the Earth has water, and the average temperature is 15 degrees Celsius. It is very suitable for us.
Therefore, I think humans will continue to live in the Earth in the future.

Wincomスタッフ・ロジャー先生を紹介します！

東京理科大学その他で、二十数年日本人の英語添削に長年携わってきた先生で

教科書執筆など著書も多数。

ロジャー先生の添削の最強ポイントは

書いた人の英語を「つぶさず」生かしてなおしてくれる点なのです。

実はこれが非常に難しいのです。

時には英単語が並んでいるが英語でない(?)英文を、

書いた人の意図を汲み取り正しい文に直し、

さらに、よりよい表現を提示してくれるのですが

それは高等技術、長らく日本人の英語を添削してきたからこそできるテクです。

出来上がったエッセイは、格調高い英文になっています。

ぜひ皆さんも英文エッセイを書いてみませんか！

そして「なるほど言いたいことをこう表現すればいいんだな」

「このフレーズは知らなかった。覚えよう！」

を体験してください！

ロジャー先生の新刊は絶賛発売中！こちらもぜひどうぞ！

https://www.amazon.co.jp/dp/4755300525/?coliid=I300LAS6CU2J7G&colid=2O34V2YX8J3L2&psc=1

以下のエッセイを読んで、文末にあるComposition Topic（作文テーマ）で

英作文を書いてみませんか？　1か月先着3本まで（お一人3本までではありません）無料でお受けします（1本100語まで）。
ウィングローブサイト「問合せ」よりご応募ください。
https://www.winglobe.jp/contact/

ウィングローブのネイティブスタッフ・ロジャー先生がすばらしい添削をしてくれます！

PLASTIC

It is difficult for us to imagine that there was a time, just three generations ago, when virtually nothing was made of plastic. Today, it is all around us. Being soft and easily molded, it is the ultimate convenience material. Most consumer items are now at least partially made of plastic, and a great deal of what we eat and drink comes wrapped in it. A million plastic bottles are used and discarded every minute, and nearly all the plastic used for food containers and packaging is single-use plastic. So what happens to it after it is thrown away?

About half of all plastic PET bottles are collected for recycling, but in practice only about 7% of those collected are made into new bottles. The remainder are either buried in landfill sites or washed into the ocean, where they do not just disappear. Plastic takes hundreds of years to break down. In other words, nearly all the plastic that has ever been manufactured, equivalent in weight to one billion elephants, still exists somewhere in the world. 10 million tonnes of it finds its way into the sea every year. By 2050, there will be more plastic in the world’s oceans than fish. Our precious sea is becoming a chemical soup, full of small fragments of plastic, which are eaten by seabirds, fish and many other creatures. Since the plastic cannot be digested, it accumulates in their bodies and eventually kills them.

If we really cared about the future of our planet, we would not allow this to happen. The consequences of dumping all this unnatural material into the environment will be catastrophic, and yet the solutions are very simple. Plastic bags could be outlawed, as in some countries, or at least customers could be made to pay for them. In the UK, when supermarket customers started to be charged the equivalent of 7.5 yen for bags, their use fell immediately by 80%. Again, we could probably make all plastic packaging materials biodegradable. And many plastic items, such as the 500 million plastic straws that are used in the United States every day, could easily be made of safer materials like paper. Urgent action needs to be taken, or the convenience of our modern lifestyle could end up costing us the earth.

COMPOSITION TOPICS

1.

In your opinion, what actions should the Japanese government take to solve the problem of plastic pollution?

2.

Give some examples of plastic items that you use in your everyday life. Which of them do you think are really necessary, and which of them could be made from materials other than plastic?

QUESTIONS　（内容理解にご利用ください）

1. What is one of the main uses of plastic?

2. Where does most of the plastic we use end up?

3. What happens to sea creatures when they eat plastic?

4. Does the writer think it is difficult to solve the problem of plastic pollution?

5. What will happen if we don’t take action?

以下のエッセイを読んで、文末にあるComposition Topic（作文テーマ）で
英作文を書いてみませんか？　1か月先着３本まで無料で受け付けています！（1本100語まで）（お一人3本まで、ではありません・・・）
ウィングローブサイト「問合せ」よりご応募ください。
https://www.winglobe.jp/contact/

ウィングローブのネイティブスタッフ・ロジャー先生がすばらしい添削をしてくれます！

CHILD POVERTY

Foreign visitors to Japan are impressed by its prosperity and high standard of living. People are well dressed, their homes are clean and well-equipped, and we do not see slums in the cities, or people begging for money on the streets. Yet recent statistics show that the gap between the rich and poor in Japan has been quietly growing for years. In terms of income equality, Japan now ranks 34^th out of 41 OECD countries, and 16% of all children, including around half the children of single parents, are growing up in poverty.

Single mothers often have unstable, irregular, and low-paid jobs. This means they may not have enough money to keep their children healthy or feed them adequately, let alone pay for school lunches. Neither can they afford all the extra expenses, for things like uniforms, equipment for club activities, or field trips and excursions, that might enable their children to have normal school lives. Poor children do less well at school than their classmates, and this affects their job prospects, which then perpetuates a cycle of poverty.

It is not only Japan that is experiencing a widening wealth gap. In the UK, for example, one in four children are now living in poverty. One reason is that, although people’s wages are not rising, the government is cutting welfare payments and laying off public servants, in a policy called “austerity”. But famous economists like Joseph Stiglitz say that such policies do not make economies grow. Is it not possible to have an economy which works for everyone, rather than one which makes only some people richer, while consigning so many others to poverty?

COMPOSITION TOPIC

How do you think the government could make it easier for people on low incomes to raise their children? Make some policy suggestions.

QUESTIONS　　（内容の理解にご利用ください）

1. Is the wealth gap in Japan obvious to foreign visitors?

2. Why is the poverty rate so high among single-parent

families?

3. Give some reasons why poor children may do less well at

school than their better-off classmates.

4. Is the proportion of children living in poverty higher in the

UK, or in Japan?

5. Does the writer agree, or disagree, with Joseph Stiglitz?

ライティング力アップ講座として
時事英語の文章を読み、それに関するエッセイの添削を
ネイティブスタッフのロジャー先生（イギリス人・オックスフォード大学卒業、東京理科大などで長年指導、翻訳業にも長く携わる）
に依頼していますが、

この１年に提出された100本のうち、ロジャー先生に優秀なエッセイを選考していただき、見事10本が選ばれました！

★★★　最優秀賞　TOP THREE　　３本
★★★　優秀賞　　RUNNERS-UP　６本
★★★　オリジナリティ賞　COMMENDATION FOR ORIGINALITY １本

《　ロジャー先生　講評　》

エッセイコンテストにあたり、これまで添削したエッセイを読み直しながら、
皆さんの英語力と努力に、あらためて感心しました。

時事英語の内容はかなり難しいものもあったと思います。

選考は、
・エッセイが論理的にまとまっているか
・その内容
・トピックに対する関心がどの程度向けられているか
・説得力があるか
等に基準をおきました。

こういったポイントが、ただ質問に答えているだけのエッセイと、
読者に感銘を与えるエッセイとの違いを生むのです。

当初はトップ５を選ぼうと思っていましたが
同じくらい素晴らしいエッセイが多かったので
選考に苦労しました。
まずトップ３を選び、次いで甲乙つけがたい６本、
そして「オリジナリティ賞」を選んで10本と致しました。

～～　今後、優秀作品を発表していきます　～～

中２なのに、こんなエッセイが書けています！
多摩センター校の中２生K.Nくんです。

中１の時に英検準１級にも合格しています。

「プラスチック廃棄物による汚染の問題に対し、日本政府は何をすべきか」という時事的な問題に、ロジカルに提案しています。

トピック：
In your opinion, what actions should the Japanese government take to solve the problem of plastic pollution?

I think Japanese government should make a new rule about throwing a plastic materials to the enviroment. Also they need to make a board and warn that throwing a plastic or other kinds of trash to the enviroment is same as committing a crime.

First Japanese government has to make a rule to stop littering trash in public places. For example, if you throw 100g of trash you need to pay 1000 yen. To stop people throwing trash in eniviroment, we need to make more trash can in the sea, forest, or etc.

Second is that they should make more board and put them on place that people could see very clearly. They don’t know how much plastic were thrown away in 1 day. So the government can reaserch them and put the broad that has singnificant numbers.

Reducing plastic trash from enviroment is very easy if each person tried to take home a plastic trash not throwing them in any place. We need to think about plastic problem more seriously and government has to do their best to present eniviroment from plastic.

ウィングローブでは、特に高校生には、
時事的トピックに関するessay　を書くよう奨励しています。

今回は、’Overwork’　に関するエッセイを読み、

In the future, would you rather work longer hours (more hours a week) and earn more money, or work shorter hours (fewer hours a week) and earn less? Give reasons for your choice.
というトピックで高2生が書いた作文を紹介します。

K.Y.くん　高２　岸町校

I think Japan should follow Germany and France to reduce the number of working days and hours. I have two reasons. First, if people work harder, they may be promoted and earn more money. But, they will lose time to spend the money on their family, hobby and so on. Second, long-time and hard work does not always make more profits because it is by no means efficient. The employees of a successful company seem to work, taking their time, and enjoy their tasks. Some of them even reach their office 9 a.m. and finish working 5p.m., and then go home. For these two reasons, I think Japan should make efforts to cut down on the number of working days and hours.

Y.Y.くん　高2　岸町校

I think overwork is the production which modern society generated. Recently most parents think their children never succeed if they cannot have good jobs. So these parents make their children study hard. These children are certainly clever, but are so tired physically and mentally that they don’t have enough power to work in strict competitive world in a company. However, on company’s side, it is important whether employees are competent or not. They don’t care about their mental condition or relationship to others. I think overwork problem is born from the difference between employees and companies.

Companies should know employees more deeply and make good working condition for them. Some European countries have already introduced reduction of working time. Although company’s turnover reduces, the company will be more successful in the long run. I think how fulfilled employees feel in their life is far more important than how companies prosper.

ウィングローブでは在校生向けに
「ウィンコム」という英文ネイティブ添削サービスを行っておりますが、
最近、高校生のなかで定着しつつあります。

大学受験や英検にも必要ですが、
「書いて内容を伝えられる」ことは
「英語が使える」ということです。

以下は、添削後の英文ですが、
素晴らしい内容です。

トピック：　Basic Income　という考えをどう思うか

I am against the idea of basic income, for the following two reasons.

First, the idea of basic income itself is good, but it is not realistic. Introducing basic income would mean reorganizing the whole tax system. It would take too much time to gain the people’s support.

Second, there is a possibility that basic income might contribute to financial difficulties or financial collapse. For example, France has a welfare system called Revenue de Solidarite Active (RSA). This system provides money to people on low incomes, on a means-tested basis, even if they don’t have French nationality. Thanks to this generous system, unauthorized claims are rampant and it is a burden on the treasury. So, I would like to say that handouts from the government inevitably lead to people claiming benefits illegally.

For these reasons, I strongly believe that basic income should not be adopted.

（高田馬場校　高3生）

今回、「英作文選手権」！を企画しました。

普段、「ウィンコム」というサービスで
ライティングの添削が受けられるようになっておりますが、
今回さらにパワーアップです。

タイムリーなテーマの英文を、保護者・生徒への通信に掲載するので
そのトピックで英作文をして応募してもらい、
後日優秀作品を発表するというものです。

その元となる英文を、
現在ウィングローブのネイティブ顧問をしていただいております
ロジャー先生に書いていただきました。
ロジャー先生には普段、英作文添削サービス「ウィンコム」の
担当をお願いしております。

英国オックスフォード大学卒業、
東京理科大等で英語を長年教えられ
留学生の論文などを含め学生の添削を多数行ってきたロジャー先生は
あらゆる程度の英語を理解し、
非常に高いレベルの英語を使える方です。

今回ロジャー先生に、時事的なトピックをテーマに
英文を書いていただきました。
今現在起こっている問題についての事実とコメントです。
素晴らしい英文なので、みなさんに味わっていただき、
一緒に提示される’Composition Topic’に答える形で
英文を書いて添削を受けようというものです。

第一回のテーマは、’Overwork’　第二回は ‘Child Poverty’　です。
第三回は’Basic Income’　という、
「経済三部作」となります。

日本の経済に鋭く切り込む内容に
ウィングローブの生徒たちはどう反応するのか？
楽しみです(＾◇＾)

在籍生徒対象　生徒の英作文を　ネイティブの先生が添削するサービスを開始！
名付けて　WinCom（ウィンコム）　です。

よりよい表現を指摘してくれるなど、普段の授業では得られない指導を受けることが出来ます。
日本語での解説もつきます。

講師の先生は　：