高２生ですが、
ちゃんとした構文を使い、修飾関係も複雑な英文が書けていますね。
受動態もうまく使えていると思います。
（※赤字が文法的な訂正、緑字がよりよい表現という意味での添削です）
南加瀬校 高橋 理沙さん （高２時）
I think that people should stop using goods that are made from animals. There are two reasons for this.
First, the trafficking of animal materials is a big problem and it could cause endangered species to die out. Today, materials from endangered animals or goods made from them are bought as expensive products and crimes involving the illegal trading of them are carried out all over the world. If people stopped buying animal materials and products, such trades would decrease and we could protect endangered species.
Second, animals have the right to live and die in nature. They should live in a natural ecosystem, so people should not use them just out of selfishness and disregard animals’ rights.
For these reasons, it is clear that people should stop using goods that are made from animals.
